Does A Kabbalist Feel Free?

Question: Does a Kabbalist feel free? Free from what and for what?

Answer: A Kabbalist is torn inside into two parts. He feels the part in which he is in equivalence of form with the Creator, meaning that he feels that he is above the corporeal world.

He adapts himself to the Creator, identifies with Him, and feels himself elevated above all that exists. Moreover, submitting to the Creator happens above the annulment of one’s egoism, and therefore is felt as freedom. For there is nothing above the Creator, so to be a slave to the Creator is not an illusion. It is a feeling of freedom because the Creator is the highest level of existence.

And with the other part of a Kabbalist, before he achieves complete adhesion with the Creator in all his egoistic desires, corrected to love and bestowal, it does not feel like freedom. Quite the opposite, it feels even worse than a person in this world because he remains in the illusion, in the feeling that nothing is pressuring him.

However, the Kabbalist knows that he is under the power of his egoism, and therefore, his feeling of bondage is very troublesome, it weighs heavily on him. This, however, is exactly what pushes him forward.
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From the Kabbalah Lesson in Russian 7/2/17