Shame Worse Than Death

Question: It is written, “I, HaVaYaH, do not change.” What does this symbolize in our work?

Answer: The Light comes from Above, and it is all bestowal. It is good and benevolent, and it created “existence from absence,” something from nothing, a desire that is absolutely controlled by receiving. It only wants to feel good.

Then, the Light begins to develop the desire by putting it through four phases. As a result, it doesn’t feel itself simply as Light, but as the one who receives, who is opposite to the source. This summons shame, a terrible feeling, and it has nothing more than that.

It turns out that receiving is a good thing, and there is nothing wrong in being the opposite, but these two factors together create a feeling in me that I cannot bear. It tears me to pieces, and I am ready to do anything just to not remain in this state even one second longer. I am ready to do anything. Even committing suicide is no problem. The main thing is not to suffer, not to bear this oppositeness.

This is true shame. We don’t know it. We use the word, but we don’t know what it means. In the first part of Introduction to the Study of the Ten Sefirot, in “Introspection,” Baal HaSulam says that shame was prepared for the high souls, and they are the ones that discover it. This is because, in order to do so, one has to feel the Creator, His pure bestowal, and one’s own pure receiving to the fullest. One contradicts the other.

The process that is described here flows from the top down and is called “the four phases of Direct Light.” So, by its influence, the Light leads the created being through his development.

This is the structure of HaVaYaH: the tip of Yod, Yod, Hey, Vav, Hey. This structure is fixed, and it appears this way from the top down.

Until now, the development was done by the Direct Light. From this point onward, it is your turn. However, you feel terrible shame. It simply burns you from the inside, and you can’t bear it. Therefore, from now on, you won’t be able to relax until you balance the shame.

First, you want to escape it, but that doesn’t change anything. Everything remains the same. It isn’t possible to relax, and you have to change yourself, but how can you do that?

The created being simply “goes crazy.” The shame tears him from his place, tears him from his desires, and keeps on pushing him forward to end of the road. He cannot rest until the one who receives and the one who bestows become equal in their bestowal.

Only when we reach Gmar Tikun (the end of correction) will we stop changing. Then, the shame will disappear, and the oppositeness between the Creator and us will disappear.

So, the Creator says “I, HaVaYaH, do not change,” which means only that I brought this process down. However, this is enough to not allow us to rest until Gmar Tikkun.

Only then will we reach harmony and begin changing together with Him, according to Him. The Creator won’t be the first. We will merge with Him into one to such an extent that all the differences in thought, in our desire, and in every other way will disappear. We will start everything together in cooperation.
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From the 3^rd part of the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 3/30/12, “Introduction to the Study of the Ten Sefirot”