Question: When I started studying Kabbalah a year and a half ago, I felt how much I love people, and how much people love me. Now I have a very strange sensation that I don’t actually treat people that well, and that people aren’t too good to me either. I feel ill will from people, even from those who study Kabbalah. What should I do with this feeling?
Answer: When a person is studying Kabbalah, he or she goes through all kinds of states. A person must go through the states where he hates everyone, pushes them away, and when he feels that everyone is treating him in this manner too—with some wily manipulation, ulterior motives, and so on. He or she goes through all the states that could possibly exist in any given person.
A person who attains the upper world ultimately goes through absolutely everything that humanity goes through. The individual and the whole are equal, and thus, there isn’t any feeling, any internal occurrence, or inner analysis that a person would not go through and wouldn’t experience.
We have to understand that we need all of this so that we could assemble within us those properties that are necessary for our balance with the entire world.
However, we need to view from a distance all of these occurrences and feelings that we undergo inside ourselves. In other words, I should observe myself from afar. What does “I” mean? Some creature, which right now is going through certain states, and who is being shown who he is, how he perceives the world, and so on. That is, in this case I am a participant of an experiment. The “I” is my body, my properties, my character. And who is studying this experiment? The point in the heart that’s outside of me. I am trying to pull it outward and to be a researcher with respect to my own self, to look at and see myself from the side.
If a person is able to do this, then he gains a great deal and progresses rapidly. Under no circumstances should we identify ourselves with our own self, because that isn’t us, it’s the Creator! He created the desire, and He plays with this desire as he pleases. But I shouldn’t be a toy. I should also exit myself and from the side watch how He plays.
Then why do I feel like the desire is mine? In order for you to truly understand and feel how He plays, you were given a feeling that it is yours, otherwise you would disregard it: “What’s the big deal, He’s just playing with some animals, plants, and rocks.” Everything is included in the Creator’s domain, one single force rules over everything. But when He rules over me: Oh, now this is a different story! Am I able to consider everything that He controls as being done by Him and not by me? The ability to “separate” yourself from your own self and to look at yourself from the side, this is a condition for rapid advancement forward.
So, it’s not you. Simply look at what He does with you. Try!
By advancing further in this manner, you will now be able to divide yourself into a researcher (this point will become your right line) and into egoism, which will always be growing in you opposite it (left line). This is necessary.
This is why we say “There is none else besides Him,” besides the Creator. Why? If there is someone besides Him that means it’s me. This is bad. I am sensing reality incorrectly.
“There is none else besides Him”: that means excepting the point which He gave me (a point in the heart), everything else—it is Him, while the point in the heart is given in order for me to be independent and autonomous. That means that I pull this point out, but everything else is Him. My character, my properties, all of that is from Him. This is how I should perceive everything. I have to identify myself with the point in the heart. We raise these points above ourselves and unite them. And everything else, our egoism, our body, remains below.
Thus, try to separate yourself like this all the time, and then you won’t have problems with the world. Naturally, I am an egoist, and I’m bad, and hate others, and others hate me. Everything that appears to me, it appears through my body, which in reality isn’t mine—this is how the Creator is showing it to me. This is work.
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From KabTV’s “Foundations of the Integral Society” 2/26/1
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