Team Building Guide, Part 8

Principles of Forming a Team: Stop Gossip

Remark: Seventh rule: Any kind of gossip is prohibited in the team. Even criticism is possible only at a predetermined time, with special preparation.

My Comment: This is obvious. According to the previous condition that we see only ourselves and not others, what criticism can there be? It means that I criticize myself. Or I criticize the way I see others in myself. It is because I never see anyone else.

Question: How often do you recommend having meetings where we start criticizing each other and making claims?

Answer: Sometimes, as an exercise. Maybe once a month. No more than that.

Question: And until then should I keep everything to myself?

Answer: And until then do exercises: Everything I think about the other, I think about myself.

Remark: You said that in the early stages of team development, it is best to express criticism not directly but through responsible individuals. After all, if I tell a person directly, as an egoist, he will not accept it, and there will be a conflict.

My Comment: Yes. It is better to do this indirectly.

Question: Isn’t it better to have direct honest relationships between colleagues?

Answer: Maybe. But it depends on the stage of training.

Question: So, would you not advise criticizing directly at the initial stage?

Answer: No. Only when you have accumulated a sufficient number of mutual clarifications, collisions, and connections, when you begin to understand each other deeper, better, and the goal becomes more obvious and necessary, then you can move to this level of relationship.

Question: Do we need to determine in advance some topics that we will not talk about since we know they will cause conflicts? For example, politics, religion, and family. Or, on the contrary, should we reveal all this between us?

Answer: No. We do not talk about anything that might be received poorly by others. We should not bring up such topics until we have done so well that we simply stop seeing others as something other than ourselves. Then all this will go away. There will be no reason for restrictions.

Remark: Indeed, the difference between genders, between man and woman, national and religious differences are seated so deeply in a person that until he rises above them, it is better not to touch these topics. This can destroy any team: in business, in sports, everywhere.
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From KabTV’s “Management Skills” 6/18/20