A Unified Family

Question: If there is some kind of problem in cooperation between the partners in a family, is it worthwhile to include the child as a judge in their relationship?

Answer: Leo Tolstoy said, “Happy families are all alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” (Anna Karenina). After all, we are talking about human psychology, and here it is impossible to give any clear general directions, conditions, or rules.

Later, once the family stabilizes its integral mutual cooperation, there will be equality among all the members of the family , confirming that all happy families are alike. But the miserable ones are different.

Question: How would problems be solved through a family council? First examine them, then talk with each other about how good we are, and then look for ways to solve them?

Answer: It is necessary to try everything. After the parents have demonstrated a mutual integral relationship to a child, against his will, he becomes “cooked” in the integral pot. Then it is possible to bring him into this process gradually. The parents themselves will feel when, on what level, under what conditions, and in what aspects it is possible to bring him in as a third party. Also, this should be done gradually so that it isn’t begun with deep internal discussions about the purpose of life, but a discussion about small daily problems, for example, about where to spend vacation or other questions close to a child.

Question: Suppose that the parents dream of building a vacation home outside the city. Is it possible to discuss this with the child?

Answer: Certainly, gather the entire family together, present the project, and discuss the details. A child who is involved with the architectural design will begin to consider how he can help in this and begin to offer his own ideas.

However, we must be very careful that he is excited about your architectural ideas, that he will not lose his taste for the discussion itself, that he will be integrated with them as part of a complete integral unit, and won’t just begin imagining his drawings. The goal must always be up front and remain the main thing, and your communication and unity with as a threesome is just a tool.
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From KabTV’s “Conversations with Michael Laitman” 12/11/13