“I Sleep But My Heart Is Awake…”

A person decides what to consider the day and what the night: what is good for him and what is bad. Sometimes, he is given awakening, raising of the spirit, great light, and he understands how wonderful is to enjoy and come closer to spirituality. He calls it day, but in reality, it is light in his egoistic desire. Egoism enjoys, and this is not called spiritual advancement.

Or maybe he feels in the dark, exhausted, but his mind understands that this state is useful for advancement. And although in his desire to enjoy he experiences unpleasant sensations, it is said: “I sleep, but my heart is awake.” The desire to enjoy feels darkness, but the point in the heart—Light. A person understands that this darkness is useful for him, descent precedes ascent, and he needs to prepare even greater desires for this. And the desire comes from darkness.

That is why it all depends on what a person values, what he considers the day and what the night—in his sleeping egoistic heart or in the point in the heart, which is burning and yearning for spirituality.

If a person begins to separate one from the other, then he already has two points, according to which he can aim and direct himself exactly to the goal. One point is his ego. And it is good that egoism does not feel anything good. The darker I feel in my egoism, the greater my desire (Aviut) will be above which the point seeking the goal exists.

The main thing is to separate these two points and all the time hold them correctly against each other, finding out with what I identify myself. Do I choose the direction that leads me to the Creator, although my path lies in the dark, do I consider it good? Then, I can be sure that I move correctly because my egoism is not interested in rushing there, like a thief, running ahead of everybody else and shouting: “Catch the thief!”

My ego does not want darkness, and I rise above ego, above reason, and want my bestowal to be above reception. And this is a good state in which my day and the day of the Creator are the same day.

And if I suffer that I feel bad and have no interest in advancing, it means that I follow my desire to enjoy, my ego. I run there where my egoistic heart, but not the point in the heart, calls me: This is the difference.

We need to try to divide ourselves into two parts: the point in the heart, which faithfully adheres to the goal, to bestowal in any situation, no matter what happens, and the heart itself, which is always eager to receive. Its appetite is growing constantly. Darkness reigns in my heart, and there is a ray of Light in the point in the heart; this means that I directed myself correctly. And I achieve this through the environment, group, external force, which is needed to pull the point in the heart out of the egoistic heart and aim it at the goal.
[74550]
From the Preparation to the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/5/12