Through Contradictions: Truth

Kabbalists give me “advice in the dark,” and in the end I’m like a child before a yet unexamined reality.

We give advice to little children in the same way, and they obediently follow the instructions because for now they do not know anything about the given subject and they trust the adults completely. Instinctively, a child believes us, as his nature instructs him to do, he or she follows us, with what we call the “eyes closed.”

We must follow Kabbalists the same way. Of course this causes discomfort; we are grown people, we want to feel and understand. “Wait, what exactly am I doing? Why do I do this and with what purpose? Where is this coming from?” Everyone has many questions and excuses.

It does not matter. If we were children, the upper world would open up before us in no time. But then we would be like “angels” there, not higher than “animals.” But if we wish to attain the degree of the Creator, then we cannot make all our actions and take all our steps through our natural aspirations, we must do it through faith above reason—in other words, against our egoism.

This constitutes all the complications. I am given a certain advice, but I fail to see logic in it because my mind and feelings pertain to this world. I do not see or feel that this is the exact way I need to act.

I am told: “Even if you do not understand it, you need to know that this is the way things are there in the upper world, since there, everything is directed towards bestowal, when here, everything is directed towards reception. There everything is in unity, and here everything is in separation. There everything is eternal, perfect, and aspires towards balance, while here it is the other way around.” But words do not help me. I am still standing on the foundation of this world, and I need to acquire the upper world from here.

Yes it is difficult on one hand, but necessary on the other. I do not need to transition from one world to another; instead, I must live in both worlds in order to be independent in relation to the Creator. It is similar to what the guest says to the host: “I want to be like you. You are a giver and I want to give. You give to me and I want to give to you. I depend on you and I want you to depend on me.” So I also need to be independent standing before the Creator.

We cannot even imagine it: On one had there is none else beside Him, and on the other hand there is something independent. And this state exists only because we assert ourselves in both worlds: I constantly build the upper world above this world. This is why the journey is so difficult. After all, my every action, my every step, must oppose my desire and understanding, everything I know and everything I have gathered and collected over the course of my entire life.

Everything is the other way around. Even when we speak about love and unity, in reality it is not the kind of love and unity we are accustomed to. They lie above our nature. In other words, I must reach a state where I do not seem to exist. It slightly resembles a mother who selflessly gives herself to her child.

But here I need to go to the end in full, limitless unity in relation to the entire world. And this, despite all the obstacles, is when I discover that all the desires to which I must fully give myself, are opposite to me, hate and reject me. As the Aviut (the thickness of desire) grows, I am shown the distance between reception and bestowal, and then I reveal the entire burden concealed in unity.

And all this is to acquire independence at the height of the Creator.

This is why we need to agree with everything we experience. And even though our nature, the nature of this world, rejects all the forms of the spiritual world, we must agree with this. The spiritual form is opposite to me, I hate it and do not accept it, but this is the way things need to be. I must understand and love it; I must prepare myself for it with the help of the group, the environment. This is exactly where we are going: towards this contradiction, to make it desirable so it would serve as proof of the fact that we are advancing towards the truth.
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From the Arava Convention 2/25/12, Lesson 7