Family – A Mass Of Mutual Concessions

Question: If we want to talk with the wider public about the subject of the family, from what is it preferable to begin the conversation in the introductory lecture?

Answer: It is absolutely preferable to begin the conversation with an explanation about the nature of men and the nature of women, for this provides a certain foundation. But it is worthwhile to open the explanation about their nature from a distance. This is a very serious topic.

First of all, one must explain that a family is not built on love, but on mutual respect, completion of each other, friendship, and mutual help, yearning to understand the other, and the main and most important thing upon which the family is built is mutualconcession.

A true connection between a man and a woman is built on mutual concession. In no way or manner do we correct the partner; we don’t try to talk about his faults; rather, we accept him as he is and try to become someone who completes him.

A person is an egoistic entity who is directed towards self-benefit within himself. When someone else is next to him and he cannot exploit him at every moment for his own benefit, it is as if he accumulates electrical charges and then sparks begin to “fly” between them, for the other is also an egoist.

Can we exist together in peace in a situation like this? For a particular period, when love dazzles us, we are full of happiness and ready for anything. Yet when this passes and the veil of love falls from our eyes, I notice that I am living next to an egoist like me, even though I thought that everything would be for me and for my sake and things would be good and pleasant with my other half. Yet suddenly everything is the opposite. So it is necessary to arrange everything differently, not under the influence of the insanity of love that stupefies us, but with the sanity of knowledge.

How can we co-exist peacefully? So gradually we bring people to begin to discuss the complicated relationship between them neutrally, discussing them only as physiology.

They must not look at a particular family, but generally clarify what a family is, what a human being is, and this will take them away from themselves, will take them outside, since if there is a problem like this for everyone, they are talking about a general problem. They lower the internal tension between them and move to philosophy, where they talk generally and discover the nature of a man and woman.

They are similar in some ways and different in some ways. They are similar in that they are both egoists, and they are different in that the ego is expressed in a different way in each of them according to each of their hormonal and psychological systems.

After that we can go on to the next problem, the problem of marriage. Marriage is a covenant; it is a complementary covenant: I need her and she needs me.

When we understand this, it will be clear to us that the essence of our nature is reception: I always want to receive from the partner. That is how we begin to teach people the fundamentals of the wisdom of Kabbalah.

There is no provocation here! I want clean clothes, dinner to be ready, a tidy dwelling. And my partner wants to see a man in the house, a husband, and a father with everything that is involved with that. Is it possible to satisfy the demands of the partner? Do we want to do that?

Since in general both of us are working, we have children, particular obligations after work (the bank, shopping, and so forth), is it objectively possible to demand from our partner the fulfillment of all of our demands?

If we see the list of mutual demands, then we understand that, in fact, we never knew each other. I didn’t understand what she wanted from me; after all, this is not my nature. She never told me anything; rather, she expected that I would guess it by myself.

That is how we show people that the problem in a family is that we are egoists—each one of us sits and waits for the other to fulfill him, even when he doesn’t say anything to him about this. So he is constantly hurt in anticipation of when his partner will finally understand him.

This way is completely wrong. Let’s not begin from approaching each other from a distance according to the list of demands: I concede – she concedes, I do something for her – she does something for me. Even if we see each other’s lists, we cannot hold onto them.

Let’s do this more simply: We begin to concede and to please each other, we transform into friends who help each other. I think about what to do for her, she thinks about what to do for me; we begin to play a game called, “the method of mutual concessions.” This is a game, but we enter it. Each one thinks about how to give to the partner what he would now want to get from me.

If we communicate in a format like this, then we begin to educate and to internalize within us this habit of mutual connection, and as a result of this something called “mutual love” is created between us. This is not the same love where we kissed by starlight, but love that appears on a basis of mutual concessions. We build it in ourselves and then we create something shared, not “he” and “she,” but something called a “family” or a “couple.”

The main thing here is to show the partner that even though I am boiling with anger and disagreement with him, I make an effort to turn to him calmly, as if nothing happened.

The concessions are carried out through rising above my ego. And I don’t hide this in order to teach the other, to provide him with an example. And if one of the partners is not ready to rise above himself, the other must help him.

The person must transform into someone who includes within him at least two images. One image is that at the present time I am hating my other half. Yet on the other hand, in spite of that, I relate to her correctly, well, nicely, and then she sees that I am rising above myself.

We must play with this. We have no other choice for saving the family. The ego has grown. If not now, then in a few more years people will not be able to live with each other. They must enter into this image and experience it so that an impression from it will remain in them.

After that we give them homework: until tomorrow don’t say a bad word to the other, rather smile and get pleasure from the inner ascent and the struggle with oneself.

After all they get pleasure, first of all from subduing themselves; and second, through this they connect with others, which gives them additional pleasure that they didn’t experience before. In other words, they get a spiritual component here.

A family is a mass that is created following mutual concessions, and as a result of them they produce a connection that is called “love.” Love is created only when we understand how it is up to us to complete each other and try to do that.

What does “And you shall love your friend as yourself” mean? I take her desires and try to fulfill them. She takes my desires and tries to fulfill me.

But we don’t talk to them about this; rather, we simply bring them to mutual concessions, to actions according to the wisdom of Kabbalah in the framework of the family.

Gradually our former nature disappears somewhere inside and on it is built a layer of a new mutual relationship with each other, which becomes our common achievement, a possession, a family treasure. After that, from it love is born. This is called true love: “And you shall love your friend as yourself.”
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From A Talk on “Family” 5/28/14

Creating The World Of Desires

The amazing system called Jethro is part of the general spiritual system that includes egoistic attributes as well as several altruistic attributes that are totally the opposite.

The connection between Jethro and Moses was kept through Zipporah and the children.

Question: Why was Moses allowed to marry Zipporah, Jethro’s daughter? Is it because the nation wasn’t divided into tribes then?

Answer: We mustn’t look at that from the perspective of division. All the biblical figures throughout history took wives from hostile tribes. Jacob, for example, married Rachel and Leah who were the daughters of his greatest enemy Laban.

Jethro doesn’t support or side with Moses either, but there is a very clear connection between them as Jethro is totally immersed in Pharaoh (the ego) with one foot and, thanks to that, can be connected to Moses.

The question is about what Moses did with Jethro for forty years. Why did he need this intermediate level? Forty years is the level of Bina on every level.

Having studied forty years with Pharaoh, Moses spends the next forty years with Jethro and only then does he spend the same number of years with the nation of Israel.

Question: If Pharaoh is the higher level of study, why must he study from Jethro afterward?

Answer: It is in order to know how to change to the attribute of bestowal. A true connection is formed between opposite attributes, just as was the case with Jacob and Laban’s daughters. What is more, Jacob had concubines and servants who also had his children. This may seem like an unclear mess, but this is how the world of desires is created, and this is how they are tightly connected.

Ruth, the mother of King David’s dynasty, belonged to Moab, which was a nation that hated the Israelis. David’s heir is the Messiah Son of David, who will bring the entire world to unity many years later at the end of time.

An ordinary person who doesn’t see the whole picture doesn’t see the beginning and the end, the entrance and the exit of this system. He doesn’t understand why it closes this way, but the integral system closes precisely in this way.
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From KabTV’s “Secrets of the Eternal Book” 5/21/14

The Levels Of The Spiritual Ascent

We have to try to keep focused on the general picture while reading the weekly section of the Torah (Parashat HaShavua) since the Torah tells us about how to reach complete comprehensive unity.

The ego is increasingly revealed time after time on the way to unity, and as it grows we discover the need for an increasingly greater connection above it.

The ego is our helper that operates against us and serves as help against us, but at the same time it reveals all the flaws, the defects, and the poisonous vapors of our states.

The ego is revealed in the consumerist attitude of people towards the still, vegetative, and animate nature, but especially in the relations between us. Envy, jealousy, domination, aspiration for fame and respect are our major problems.

Therefore, the goal of our correction is to bring a person to a state of unity and wholeness when he can harmoniously connect with everyone else in one unique system. This is the reason the Torah, the Light that corrects all the flaws, was given to us. The flaws are corrected to the extent that we define them as such, which means according to the way we see them.

By rising above the flaws to even greater connection and unity between us we ascend to the levels called holidays, weekdays, Sabbath, and Rosh Chodesh (the beginning of the month), the nations of the world, Levites, Cohanim (priests), Israelis, etc.

On these levels we see all the other supporting pillars of the spiritual ascent by being on the level of King David at one time and then on the level of King Solomon, and then the level of Moses, Aaron, Joseph, or Jacob.

As a person goes through these levels he feels that he ascends from the lowest level to the highest, being in as many states as possible.  He seems to experience all the days, holidays, weekdays, etc. He enters the states of each of these supporting pillars, connects, and unites with all of humanity. Eventually he integrates the whole world inside him and becomes a human being, Adam (stemming from the Hebrew word “Domeh” – to resemble), which means similar to the Creator.

Therefore we should perceive everything the Torah tells us about as essential levels of our development until we all reach the predetermined wholeness.

Question: Is the sequence of the holidays starting from Rosh Hashanah (the new year) onward kept in a person’s feelings and then accordingly in his feeling as Noah, Abraham, etc.?

Answer: Every person feels this in his own way.

If the general soul wasn’t shattered and was only one soul that corrects itself in a certain purposeful manner that is especially meant for that, it would go through all the levels in an accurate order.

But since we are all mutually connected and can be corrected only by the connection between us, we have to go through all these states that are mutually incorporated in us and in the figures the Torah calls Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, etc.

All these figures are spiritual levels and their inner filling, which on every level is called Adam. The levels themselves are called Sabbath, weekdays, holidays, months, and years.

It is a whole system that is made of the still, vegetative, and the animate nature; a whole world that develops in integral unity by attaining increasingly greater harmony each time.
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From KabTV’s “Secrets of the Eternal Book” 4/28/14

A Total Collapse Is Approaching

Opinion (Gerald Celente, American trend forecaster, publisher Trends Journal, business consultant): “Today the top trends forecaster in the world spoke with King World News about why the shocking Swiss move is only the beginning of a much larger global meltdown that will lead to the panic he predicted will happen on Wall Street and around the world in 2015.

“It’s finally beginning to dawn on people that there has been no recovery — it has all been a coverup. The quantitative easing money has flooded the globe and created a completely phony markets. The tens of trillions of dollars that were injected into global markets did nothing of any substance to improve the general economy. We see a global collapse. There’s no recovery — it’s been a coverup.”

My Comment: This author predicted the 2008 crisis. We are not able to deal with the crisis because we think it is purely an earthly manifestation, and that its causes are in our eco-political-social blunders.

But the real cause of the crisis is in our miscalculations of the program of nature. Our relationships with each other and with the environment should be developed towards a state of Adam (man), the similarity to the upper force of nature and the property ofbestowal and love. It is the complete interaction of the whole of humanity, as all parts of nature on the still, vegetative and animate levels are connected with each other.
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Keep My Soul

Psalms 86:1 – 86:2: A prayer of David. O Lord, incline Your ear; answer me for I am poor and needy.

Watch my soul for I am a pious man; save Your servant-You, my God-who trusts in You.

A pious (Hassid) is one  who asks for one thing: not to be separated from the Creator. So all the songs of Psalms, all the requests and prayers speak only about this—not losing confidence that the Creator is the only power that manages and sustains a person and everything that is found within him, but which is portrayed for him as an external world and changing reality that passes through incarnations in front of him and within him.

All of this comes from the one higher power, and the person wants to permanently adhere to this fact until he discovers this with all of his strength, thus attaining constantadhesion with the Creator in all desires and thoughts, in heart and mind. He becomes aHassid who wants only to adhere to the higher guidance above all disturbances and problems. So he awakens the disturbances in himself to bring to light all of his abilities and be in adhesion with the Creator.

The person asks for only one thing: help for him not to be separated from the thought that “There is none else beside Him” and the recognition he must be involved only with the one Higher Power. And this is not because he is concerned about himself and wants to feel better but because through this he wants to give contentment to the Creator.
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From the Preparation to the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 5/15/14

A Mosaic Of Desires

I don’t need to change my desires. I don’t need to limit, break, or suppress them but only direct them properly towards the right goal.

It is written: The Torah, “Leviticus,” 21:5: They shall not make bald patches on their heads, nor shall they shave the edge of their beard, nor shall they make cuts in their flesh.

First I choose two desires and find out how I can connect them so that together they will attain the next level by uniting on this level into one whole. Then on the next level, they will find more desires that can also connect and unite in order to attain a whole union on the that level. This continues according to a hierarchy, until the one uppermost desire connects all the other desires to such an extent that the Creator can be revealed.

Although the desires are connected and are focused on unity, they are different. The outcome is a mosaic in which each part complements the others until they reach perfection. On the one hand, the perfection is revealed in it, but, on the other hand, we see different parts, colors, and shapes.

We can read this mosaic and understand its unity since is it made of many parts. If it were the simple revelation and clarity of unity in the form of one white Light, it would be much more difficult for us to grasp it. But when a mosaic of desires plays a whole rainbow of colors, we perceive it as a melody.

Question: Doesn’t this colorfulness change into one color later?

Answer: It is perceived as one whole, but it is actually made of many shades. Otherwise we wouldn’t be able to feel anything.

We hear the harmony in music, and although there are thousands of sounds and different transitions, we perceive it all as general harmony, as unity. But if we simply spread out the system of notes (the score) into its components, it would seem as if there is no unity.

It is actually for this reason that when people from different nationalities, mentalities, and professions get together, they can reach the one single goal, the one desire. The more we ascend towards unity, the greater the difference we will feel among us so that we can achieve it.
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From KabTV’s “Secrets of the Eternal Book” 4/23/14

A Convention By The Method Of Abraham

Question: Will whoever comes to the congress find his soul and begin spiritual life?

Answer: He will try to do this. Perhaps, it will be accomplished not at one go, but he certainly will move in the right direction.

Therefore, Kabbalists invite many people from everywhere to their congress in order to unite together. We sing, dance, listen to talks, lectures, hold workshops in circles, and have  assemblies of friends (Yeshivat Haverim). Thousands of people gather from all over the world, from the most remote locations, such as Australia, New Zealand, South America, Japan, and China.

Kabbalists gather all these people together and teach them how to connect with each other in accordance with the same method, which was founded by our forefather Abraham.

So, we increase the power of our connection with each convention. Gradually we come to such a connection, which will be enough to reveal our next state, the higher degree, the spiritual world. This is the goal of Kabbalistic conventions.
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From KabTV’s “A New Life” 2/8/15

Are We Awake or Still Asleep?

Question: Kabbalists say that when a person discovers the spiritual world he realizes that his entire former life was a dream. What does this mean?

Answer: Sometimes it may seem to us that we are living as if in a dream. And oftentimes dreams possess such force and clarity that they have a huge impact on us, even more so than what takes place in this life. These dreams impact us so deeply with the feeling they leave.

Sometimes dreams at night continue the events that take place during the day and it is hard to decipher if one is asleep or awake.

Question: Don’t we wake up eventually!?

Answer: The actual question is do we really wake up or do we just dream about being awake?

If we look at our reality, then we can really see how limited we are. We perceive this reality with our five senses: vision, hearing, smell, taste, touch, and nothing else! Perhaps there are other ways of perceiving reality that are unavailable to us?

We are even deprived of the reality animals perceive. For instance, a dog perceives a world of smells; a snake perceives the world in heat patterns. A snake sees the picture of the world made up of warm and cold spots, as if pixels on a monitor.

We live in the world where it is possible to discover something new every minute, but we do not feel where it comes from. The universe expands, our entire life develops, and perhaps this takes place according to some program? Must a program of creation exist?

We see that everything in the world takes place according to clear, unchanging laws. If some random event takes place in our life, this means that we have no idea where it came from. It should not be doubted that it was a legitimate result of some formula.

Question: Am I in a dream or in a real life?

Answer: It is impossible to determine.

Question: I still see a room around me, various objects, and people?

Answer: You can still see and feel everything in the dream as well. In the dream and in reality we still see some picture and at the same time are unable to determine if it is real or fake.

Only after awakening can we tell if we were asleep before. So far, we live this life and still cannot awaken. Inside this life we dream that we are asleep or sometimes wake up, and besides we do not know anything else. Perhaps there are higher levels of sleep and being awake out there? Kabbalah talk about such levels.

A person can attain the opening of one’s eyes by studying Kabbalah and raise to the level where all of the reality will be revealed. This is when one will realize that  one has been asleep the entire time prior to this.

In our time, in our generation, we are obliged to wake up and exit the slumber where we exist without realizing the purpose of our life. Kabbalah provides us with the methodology by which we can really wake up.
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From the Radio Program Israeli 103FM 2/8/15